Thinking about what you would want people to know after you have gone can feel heavy, but writing it down is often a relief. A letter of wishes is an informal, private document you keep alongside your will to guide your executors, trustees and guardians. It can cover how to share personal belongings, how to raise your children, how a trust should be used, your funeral and your online accounts. It is not legally binding, but it carries your voice.
How do you make the letter useful to the person who finds it?
Use clear headings, date the current version and say where related documents are kept. Separate wishes from instructions that need professional review. Tell a trusted person where the letter is, without putting passwords into it. If several copies exist, make it clear which version you want people to read.
For a separate list of digital wishes: Use the worksheet for digital accounts and memories
For pension and workplace-benefit nominations: Check provider nomination forms separately
What is a letter of wishes?
A letter of wishes is, as a guide in The Gazette on letters of wishes puts it, "a document drawn up to accompany your will". Your will deals with the legal side: who inherits, who your executors are, who will look after your children. The letter fills in the human side: the reasons behind your choices, practical guidance and the personal details a formal will rarely holds.
There is also a privacy difference. Once probate has been granted in England and Wales, the will becomes part of the public probate record: GOV.UK lets you search probate records and order a copy, including the will, for £16. A letter of wishes is not part of the will, so it usually stays private between you and the people you address it to. That makes it a more suitable home for sensitive explanations and family details.
Is a letter of wishes legally binding?
No. Unlike a will, a letter of wishes is not legally binding, and it cannot change what your will says. If you want to change who inherits, you need a new will or a codicil, signed and witnessed in the same way as a will, as GOV.UK explains in its guide to updating your will. A letter that contradicts the will only causes confusion, so keep the two consistent.
That does not make the letter powerless. Executors and trustees often have choices to make, and a clear letter helps them make those choices the way you would have wanted. For personal belongings there is also a practical tax rule. Some wills leave belongings to the executors with a request that they share them out according to the letter of wishes. Under section 143 of the Inheritance Tax Act 1984, if property left by will is passed on in line with your wish within two years of the death, it is treated for Inheritance Tax as if your will had left it directly to the person who receives it. Ask whoever drafts your will whether this approach suits you.
What should you include in a letter of wishes?
There is no fixed format, and you only need to cover what matters to you. Common sections include:
Guardians and children: how you would like your children brought up, their education, beliefs or values, contact with grandparents, and where they might live.
Trusts: guidance for trustees on when and why to make payments, for example helping with university costs or a first home.
Personal belongings: who should receive jewellery, photographs, furniture, books or other items with sentimental value.
Funeral wishes: burial or cremation, a religious, humanist or non-religious ceremony, music, readings, flowers or donations.
Digital accounts: which email, social media, photo and subscription accounts you have, and whether you would like them closed, memorialised or downloaded.
Pets: who you would like to care for them, and any money you have set aside for that in your will.
Explanations: the reasons behind a decision that might surprise your family, such as leaving more to one child who has cared for you.
If you think someone might challenge your will, explanations need careful wording, and a solicitor can help you decide what to say in the letter and what belongs in the will itself. Our guide to contesting a will explains how disputes work.
Can a letter of wishes appoint a guardian for my children?
The formal appointment of a guardian is best made in your will. In England and Wales, section 5 of the Children Act 1989 allows a parent with parental responsibility to appoint a guardian to act after their death, but the appointment only has effect if it is in writing, dated and signed. A will meets those requirements and is where your executors and the courts will expect to find it.
Use the letter of wishes to support that appointment. Tell the guardians what matters to you about your children's upbringing, how you hope they will stay in touch with family on both sides, and anything practical they should know, from health needs to favourite routines. In Scotland, section 7 of the Children (Scotland) Act 1995 requires the appointment to be in writing and signed by the parent. In Northern Ireland, Article 160 of the Children (Northern Ireland) Order 1995 requires a will, a deed or a dated and signed written document.
Are funeral wishes in a letter of wishes legally binding?
Not in England and Wales. The Law Commission's project on rights and obligations relating to funerals and remains states that, at present, the decisions a person makes about what happens to their body after they die are not binding, although they may be given some weight. The Commission began reviewing whether that should change in March 2026 and aims to publish a draft Bill in mid-2028.
In practice, families often want to honour a person's wishes, and a clear letter makes that easier at a time when they are exhausted and grieving. Be specific where it matters to you, say where you have room to be flexible, and mention any funeral plan or money you have set aside. Make sure your family can find your funeral wishes quickly, not only once the will has been read. Our funeral planning guide covers the options in more detail.
How do you write a letter of wishes?
You do not need a solicitor to write a letter of wishes, although many people ask the person drafting their will to look over it. These steps keep it clear and useful:
Address it to the right people. Usually your executors, and separately your trustees or guardians if you have them.
Refer to your will. Mention the date of the will it accompanies, so nobody is unsure which documents belong together.
Write in plain English. Say what you would like and, where it helps, why. Avoid legal-sounding language that could be mistaken for binding instructions.
Keep it consistent with the will. If the letter and the will disagree, the will wins.
Sign and date it. It does not need to be witnessed.
Leave out passwords. List your accounts and say where access details can be found, rather than writing them into a document that may be copied.
For your online life in particular, our guide to managing digital assets after death explains what families typically need to know.
Where should you keep a letter of wishes, and how often should you update it?
Keep the letter with your will, or make sure your executors know exactly where to find both. The Gazette guide suggests writing them at the same time and keeping them together. If a solicitor stores your will, ask them to keep a copy of the letter on the same file.
Because a letter of wishes does not have to be formally drawn up or witnessed, it is easy to update. The same guide suggests reviewing it every couple of years. It is also worth revisiting after a birth, death, marriage, separation, a move or a change in your health. When you replace it, sign and date the new version and destroy the old one, so only one letter is in circulation.
How is a letter of wishes different from an expression of wish form?
Pensions and many death-in-service benefits do not usually pass under your will, so a letter of wishes attached to your will may never reach the people who decide who receives them. For those, you complete the scheme's own expression of wish form. HMRC's Inheritance Tax Manual (IHTM17052) describes most of these nominations as "simply letters of wishes" that record what the member would like to happen with the death benefits. Our guide to the expression of wish form explains how they work and why they need updating.
A digital-wishes section you can adapt
This is an organising example, not wording that overrides a will or an account provider's rules. Keep access secrets out of the letter.
Memories I would like preserved: ____
People I would like consulted before accounts or files are deleted: ____
Provider legacy settings I have arranged, and where the relevant instructions are kept: ____
Accounts or subscriptions to review: ____ | Last reviewed with my trusted person: ____
For Apple, set up the Legacy Contact feature separately and check that your chosen contact can find the access key. A wish written in a letter does not itself configure the account.
Keep pension nominations separate using the expression-of-wish guide. Discuss legal gifts and executors while making your will.
Frequently asked questions: Letter of wishes
Does a letter of wishes need to be witnessed?
No. Sign and date it so it is clear it comes from you and which version is the latest, but witnesses are not needed because it is not a legal document.
Can a letter of wishes override a will?
No. The will is the legal document and always takes priority. To change who inherits, make a new will or a codicil.
Who gets to read my letter of wishes?
The people you address it to, usually your executors, trustees or guardians. Unlike a will, it is generally not made available to the public when probate is granted.
Can I write a letter of wishes if I do not have a will?
Yes, and it can still guide your family. But without a will, the intestacy rules decide who inherits, and the letter cannot change that.
How Solace Care can help
Availability: These guides are freely accessible. The Solace platform currently supports Sweden, Finland, Norway, Denmark and the Netherlands. UK-specific features and legal document templates are not yet confirmed. Before signing up, contact support@solace.care to check access and which features are suitable for you.
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Read more
Making a will in the UK
Mirror wills: how they work in the UK
Executor of a will: what the role involves
