Being asked to give a eulogy is an honour, and it is completely normal to feel daunted by it. A eulogy is a short spoken tribute at a funeral or memorial that tells everyone who the person was. Most follow a simple shape: a warm opening, a few stories that show their character, what they meant to you, and a brief goodbye. The National Association of Funeral Directors suggests five to ten minutes spoken aloud.
How do you start writing a eulogy?
Start by gathering, not writing. Spend some time noting down memories, phrases they always used, the things they loved and the small habits everyone recognised. Ask family members and friends for a story or two, especially people who knew a different side of them, such as a colleague, a neighbour or a childhood friend. You will end up with far more than you can use, and that is the point: choosing is easier than inventing.
Then look for a thread. Was the person generous, stubborn, endlessly curious, quietly funny? One or two qualities, shown through real stories, say more than a list of achievements. A eulogy is a portrait the room will recognise, not a full biography.
If it feels too close to write, work in short sessions, or talk your memories into a voice note first. Many people find that the writing itself becomes a quiet way of spending time with the person. If you are also handling the practical side, our guide to what to do when someone dies can take some of that off your mind while you write.
How should a eulogy be structured?
A clear structure helps you as a speaker and helps the listeners follow you on a day when concentration is hard. This simple order works for most eulogies, long or short:
Introduce yourself and how you knew them, in one or two sentences.
Give a brief sketch of their life: where they grew up, the people and places that mattered.
Share two or three stories that show their character.
Say what they meant to you, to the family or to their community.
Close with a goodbye, a thank-you or a line they would have liked.
If the service includes other tributes or readings, check with the family or celebrant so you are not all telling the same story.
How long should a eulogy be?
The NAFD guide puts the ideal eulogy at between five and ten minutes when spoken aloud, or roughly 700 to 1,200 words. A short eulogy of two or three minutes is also perfectly fitting, especially if several people are speaking or the service is brief.
Time matters most at a crematorium, where each service has a booked slot. Under the Competition and Markets Authority's funerals order, crematorium operators must publish the permitted service time along with their prices, so your funeral director or celebrant will know exactly how long the whole ceremony can run. Ask them how much of it is yours, then read your draft aloud with a timer. Many people find they speak more slowly on the day than they did at home.
What are some eulogy examples?
These example passages are original and written to show tone and shape, not to be copied word for word. Replace the details with your own; the specific memories are what will make it theirs.
Eulogy example for a mum
"Mum never sat down at her own parties. She was always in the kitchen doorway with a tea towel over her shoulder, watching to see who needed a top-up or a word. That was how she loved people: by noticing. When I rang her with good news, she wanted every detail. When I rang with bad news, she would say, 'Right, put the kettle on, and tell me from the beginning.' I have reached for the kettle a lot this week. I think I will be doing that for the rest of my life."
Eulogy example for a dad
"Dad believed anything could be fixed with the right screwdriver and enough patience. Our shed was full of things he was 'going to get round to', and to be fair to him, he usually did. He taught me to ride a bike on the road outside our house, running alongside long after I had stopped needing him to. I suspect he knew. He just liked being there. That was Dad: steady, a bit stubborn, and always a few steps behind, ready to catch us."
Eulogy example for a grandparent
"Nan kept a biscuit tin for every grandchild, each one labelled, and woe betide anyone who raided the wrong tin. It sounds like a small thing, but it told each of us that we had our own place with her. She remembered every birthday, every exam, every name of every friend. When she asked how you were, she waited for the real answer. We were lucky to be counted by her."
Short eulogy example
"I knew Pat for thirty years through the allotments. Pat was the first to arrive and the last to leave, and nobody ever went home without a bag of something. If you were struggling, your beds would somehow be weeded when you next turned up. Pat never mentioned it. Thank you, Pat, for every harvest and every kindness. The allotments will not be the same."
How do you write a eulogy for a humanist or civil ceremony?
The type of ceremony is a family choice, and the eulogy can sit comfortably in any of them. Humanists UK describes a humanist funeral as a non-religious ceremony led by a celebrant that focuses on the life the person led, their relationships and their legacy. In humanist and other civil or celebrant-led ceremonies, the tribute is usually at the centre, and the celebrant may weave family stories into their own words as well as inviting others to speak.
In religious services, the eulogy is often one part of a set order, and in many communities practice varies on whether a personal tribute is given, how long it is and where it comes in the service. Talk to the officiant early. If the funeral has already happened, for example after a direct cremation, a eulogy can be given at a later memorial or celebration of life, where there is often more time and flexibility.
How do you deliver a eulogy without breaking down?
You may cry, and that is fine. Nobody in the room expects a flawless performance, and many will be glad to see real feeling. A few preparations make it easier. Print the eulogy in a large font with wide spacing, and mark where to pause. Practise aloud several times, ideally to one person, so the words feel familiar in your mouth.
On the day, look up at a friendly face now and then, and slow down more than feels natural. If you need to stop, take a breath; the room will wait for you. Give a copy to someone you trust who can step in and finish reading if you cannot.
What should you leave out of a eulogy?
Leave out anything that could hurt someone in the room: old family disagreements, private medical details or stories the person would have found embarrassing. Gentle, affectionate humour is usually welcome. If you are unsure about a story, ask a close relative first.
How do you prepare a backup if speaking feels too difficult?
Agree in advance who could read your words or take over partway through. Give them a clear printed copy and discuss a simple signal. You can also choose to write a tribute that someone else reads from the start; speaking yourself is not a test of how much you cared.
Prepare for the next conversation
Use short paragraphs and mark places to pause.
Keep names and any difficult pronunciation clear on the page.
Rehearse the handover with the person leading the service if that would help.
Related next steps: Fit the tribute into the agreed ceremony order; Choose a reading or piece of music alongside the tribute.
Frequently asked questions: Writing a eulogy
Who usually gives the eulogy?
Often a close family member or friend, but there is no rule. Some families ask the celebrant or officiant to give it, using notes and stories collected from the family, which can be a relief for anyone who does not feel able to speak.
Can more than one person give a eulogy?
Yes. Several shorter tributes, for example from a child, a sibling and a friend, can give a fuller picture. Agree the total time with the funeral director or celebrant and share drafts so the stories do not overlap.
Is it all right to read a eulogy from paper?
Absolutely. Reading from a printed page is normal, and paper does not lock or dim halfway through.
Should I share the eulogy with the family first?
If you are not the closest relative, it is considerate to share a draft or the main stories with them beforehand. It avoids surprises and often brings out a memory you would not otherwise have known.
How Solace Care can help
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